it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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