Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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