Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize