Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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