i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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