i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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