Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
