I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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