All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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