Define "chronic" masturbator.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
