so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My bed smells like the plague
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the raccoons are back...
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