i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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