sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
