Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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