i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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