He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
