Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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