why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
