Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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