Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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