I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
