I wannas sexs uuuuu
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
