i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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