If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
