im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
