He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
