I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
