At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
worst night to have a conscience
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize