I just cut my nipple shaving
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm bleeding and have questions
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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