if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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