his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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