how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
