I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want a musical about memes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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