easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just invented taco cereal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
