My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
