worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
