I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
