Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize