don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
