Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
