I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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