Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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