so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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