don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
