Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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