fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
