I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
