i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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