i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
