so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
