Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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