oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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