I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
