he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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