At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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