No stitches, just platelets and will power
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
