Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
