The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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