well I can't set my house on fire every night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
