I puked a lego.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize