I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
