Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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