I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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