When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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