eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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