just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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